Meet Baylor Mackenzie Webb aka Beemer. We really didn’t realize that we gave her initials that were BMW until someone pointed them out. She’s out little peanut!
She looks so much like my son in some of her early pics.
Isn’t she beautiful?
Our Precious family!
Nana came to visit last week (my mom), which was great since we hadn’t seen her since Christmas! Bug just loves Nana. It’s one of his new words. Well, he has lots of new words. His most favorite of all is apple. He says that more than anything. After that it’s pretty much a free for all. He’s always been a chatterbox and we still can’t understand everything that he is saying but we are begining to understand much more of what he is saying. He says everything from apple to truck, and Bob (you know the tomato from veggie tales) to bath. I think he’s picking up a brand new word each and everyday. I find that so crazy! But it is so fun to see him grow up! I feel like I am about ready to put a brick on his little head because it is happening way to fast but then again I guess that is what happens isn’t it.
Well, it was fun to have my mom around. I know Caden really enjoyed it. She got to babysit a couple of times since we had our Dave Ramsey class one night and our small group on another night. We all went out to dinner one night…wait a second. We almost went out to dinner. We drove from Milan to Jackson which was about a 25 minute drive and by the time we decided on a place to eat bug had started choking and then he threw up all over himself. Poor little guy. So, we pulled over in the Walmart parking lot and my mom ran in to find some clean up things and got him a some pants and a shirt. Meanwhile, me and Jonathan were out in the car and Caden was having a good old time. He was jamming to the radio and standing in daddy’s lap acting like he was driving. It didn’t seem too sick even though he had lost his whole lunch. Maybe he got a little car sick. Since then he isn’t feeling great and he’s even cutting a few more teeth I think. Those darn teeth. Does it ever stop?
I thought it was a little funny because the car seat was all puky and so we got him out of it and drove down to the door of Walmart with bug on my lap to let Nana out to run in. I just know everyone was looking at me like I was Brittney Spears or something and driving around with my kid on my lap. Well, I wasn’t about to put him back in a puky seat when we didn’t have anything to clean him up with when we were just driving down the lane in the parking lot. I’m sure they wouldn’t of either. Well, we finally cleaned him up and then went by chic-fil-a. It was a little far from home if we just went through the drive through so we went in to have a bite. I still have a little puke on me and rolled up my sleeves. Is glorious being a mom sometimes isn’t it? Bug ate just fine and then we went back home with out any more episodes so I guess he was ok.
As far as the box on his head…well. It’s funny how kids get into stuff and do funny things. I don’t know why you wouldn’t want to have children. They are just to entertaining!
The Gospel of Jesus has many costs. Jesus who was called the man of sorrows was a perfect man, the God-man who came to earth to suffer in order to make the perfect sacrifice, the perfect payment according to Jewish law in order to redeem Israel of its sins. This redemption must take place so that imperfect man who is far and disconnected from God himself will be able to be cleansed in the sight of a most holy God so that he might have perfect union with Him. Those things that imperfect man is supposed to pay for in eternity, Jesus paid for through his suffering and the ultimate shedding of his blood for eternity.
When I was around 13 the gospel of Jesus made sense to me for the first time. In my child-like faith I realized that God had to be real so what he did must have been real as well. 15 years later here I am. When you first put your faith in Christ as I did at a young age you really have no idea what kind of costs comes with believing. 15 years later I have been through a lot in my faith. I grew through highschool, it was tested and tried in college, I even walked away from it for about a year and a half to look back and find that it was the only thing that would truly satisfy me. I tried to get rid of it and run from it and yet it lead me into a five year long career where I shared my life with college students because I had learned so much about myself and my faith in college. I look back with fondness on the last couple of years of college because I invested my life into women in my sorority house and devoted myself to giving my life to Jesus. It gave me extreme growth and the ability to see God in action in the lives of people around me.
I know that the gospel has many costs. I’ve read the good book and acknowledge what Jesus has done for me. I experienced some of them (costs) myself. At least I had thought I experienced some of them myself, until this past year. Over the past year I have tried to stay positive and trust in God for things to get better. Honestly our hearts feel like things have only gotten worse. Our lives haven’t necessarily gotten worse it just hasn’t gotten any better. I struggle with the fact that we have been trusting the Lord for big things and it just seems like we are in the exact same place that we were a year ago. We still want to move to Memphis, I still want my husband to love his job, we still want to know where the money is going to come from to pay the bills, we still have our lists of wants and desires to take vacations and a longing to enjoy life without the stress of everything going on. We still want rest and most of all we still want to know what God is trying to teach us here.
As I paged through the Palms this morning I was continually reminded of Psalm 23 when David says, ” Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I fear no evil for Thou art with me.” David was was later to become the King of Isreal for a long time was on the run from King Saul who wanted to see him dead. David was a threat to Saul and so Saul was always trying to kill him. So it him me this morning, David who is the author of many of the Psalms for most of his life faced many trials, and yet David was known as the man who was after God’s own heart.
Here I am 15 years into my faith and I am seeing more and more how the gospel of God has a cost for me. I think that I and many Christians expect to get out of lives stuggles by blessings and we fail to believe that we deserve any of life’s calamaties. Unfortunatly much of life is about trials and calamaties but for the Chrisitan it is also about growth and maturity. It is about trusting even when things are difficult and acknowledging that life may have a lot of downs that it doesn’t mean that God isn’t listening. Fortunatly it is also about hope for the future and trusting God for a brighter day. It is also about resting on his promises and believeing that he will do what he has promised with things such as provide and take care of our daily needs. It’s a cost that I feel like I’m often not willing to accept. I would much rather have a cushy life where I don’t have to be broken by God. But brokeness brings humility, humility brings repentance and repentance brings dependance. Dependance is all that God wants because it brings him worship and brings life full ciricle of everything coming back to pointing to him. He made it all he crated it all, all good things come from him so doesn’t he deserve the glory?
Well, another day begins. I’m continuing to pray that our situation improves and that we learn whatever we are supposed to learn soon so that we can get a little rest around here. It’s hard for me to watch my husband daily feel so beat up. I on the other hand have been exhausted kind of off and on pretty much since I had Caden. I’m not really sure what is causing it. Maybe I’m just not getting all the nutrients that I need. I still probably don’t eat quite enough. I’ve always had that problem. Even in college. Never know what to feed myself and now that I have a baby it’s so easy to get sidetracked with what is going on with him and skip a meal altogether. Probably not really a good idea since I’m still breast feeding and really do want to do so until he is at least a year old. That is my goal anyhow. I’m sure all the breast feeding has saved 100’s of dollar worth since we haven’t had to buy any formula or anything and I really do enjoy it except now that he has teeth sometimes he bites! ouch! Any ideas from anyone on the tiredness thing? On the other hand it may just be a lot of stress that sometimes I don’t even realize that I am under.
I’m praying that we will learn quickly what we need to learn and that Jonathan will know and use the gifts that God has given him to the best of his ability. Though it is getting harder and harder to believe this at times I am sure that the rest of our lives aren’t going to be this difficult. Even though this has been an incredibly long season there are good things to come! Not that we don’t already have a lot to be thankful for!
We are of course still praying that God provides and addtional car and I was very encouraged to find out the other day that a friend of ours is going overseas for five years and is praying about giving us her car! That is so awesome! It was encouraging since I don’t think somtimes that people really realize how difficult it is for us to only have one car. Of couse it won’t be until she leaves which is October but either way it is something to really look foreward too! Well, sounds like my bug is waking up so I better go and get him. He’s so funny now that he is crawling everywhere. He really has grown up overnight! So quickly!
Posted in life
Tagged Car, learn, life
I just got a call from my dear husband again telling something just hasn’t gone as planned. We were getting excited that July might be a little bit easier as far as finances go. He is enjoying his new job, meeting lots of people, and being able to use his networking skills. Turns out that we aren’t going to get the income that we thought we would next month and every time he calls discouraged and says that he’s starting to expect bad things to happen my heart gets sadder and sadder. That is the last thing that you want to happen to your family is to expect things are going to go all wrong for you all the time. We are waiting for things to improve, waiting for things to get better, and hoping that these things will happen very soon! We have been praying and waiting for a very long time and friends we are so exhusted. We are so tired we just don’t really know what to do sometimes. It is true that the Lord has continued to provide all that we need. Even just this month some dear friends offered to pay me to baby sit their little one for four weeks this summer and pay me $100 a week. They also offered to pay us upfront because they knew it is something that we really needed. This was such a blessing and happened all at the right time so that we would have enough for June. I get so hopefull and excited for our future and then to hear my husband discouraged just stabs me right in the heart. He really does enjoy his job, he’s good at it, enjoys meeting people, but things just haven’t been easy to get going. We have lots to be thankful about. We really do, it just would be nice to have a little break from all the things that are giving us a headache and for life just to be super easy for a little bit just to take a breather. Of course life comes at you and things aren’t always going to be easy but even the stupid things get really hard when things are like this like just a couple of days ago I was cleaning a glass cutting board and dropped the dumb thing in the sink it like exploded and shattered everywhere and now the garbage disposal isn’t working. We even suctioned it all out and tried to clean out one of the hoses and it still won’t work. Ah, things like that are so frusterating when life is just hard. It’s frusterating that we might have to call someone to fix it when money is just so tight. So, with all that said, my head is spinning. I am thinking and praying again for things to get better. I can’t wait until the day that we can look back on all this and remember all that we learned from this time of difficulty. I hope we are stronger people in life and in our faith because of it! I hope that I am a better mother and wife because of it and I hope that I have more of a heart for others because of it. I do believe that a day will come when things are better, and easier and we can take a break.
For those of you that know us personally you know that the past year and a half really has been very difficult for us. A year and a half ago my husband began applying to law schools because he was unsatisfied with his job and had always wanted to be involved in law and politics. I encouraged him to apply to law school in order to see that dream fulfilled. Later as he applied we found out that his scores weren’t high enough to get him in. My husband has also been diagnosed with hypothyroidism. It is a condition that can slow your whole body down if you are not on a medication or have it under wraps. Unfortunately because of a series of past events he hadn’t been on his medication the whole three years that we had been married at that time and didn’t do as well as he could have on that test because of his sickness. He did exceptional for the condition that he was in. I am so proud that his score was average for being so sick and unable to think clearly. When we got him tested right after our son was born his TSH levels that are supposed to be low like between .5 and 5 were very high 210! We are thankful that he is still here with us and didn’t slip into a coma. He is a very strong man!
Things didn’t work out the way we had planned a little scared but trusting God we left staff June 1, 2008. We had previously been with a Christian ministry for several years. As we left staff Jonathan worked a series of temp jobs in order to supplement our income. I worked a little bit as a Nanny but was pregnant with our child who was to be born in September. During the end of January of this year Jonathan landed a job in Financial Services. He has been working very very hard at his new job. However, it does take a bit to get going because of the nature of the job we have been waiting for it to get going. He is doing well at it and I have very proud to be his wife. Unfortunately because of debt we have incurred as far as our health insurance goes we are in a very tight spot. So tight that we may be in a situation where we never would have hoped for these next couple of months. As you might understand this leaves us nervous and restless. We are trying out best to trust the Lord but we feel beat up and kicked in the face from life. We want a break and some peace. We desperately need a vacation but aren’t able to take one. I want so badly for my husband to be doing something that he loves. And he does loves this job but he also wants to provide for our family. We thought things were getting better, still praying that things will very soon.
As his wife I want to fix it. I keep asking the Lord to teach us quickly what we need to learn so that all this stress can slow down a bit. It would be so nice just to not have to worry about anything for awhile. I love my husband. He is an amazing man. He works so hard and takes care of us so well. I don’t want him to ever doubt that. I don’t want him to ever feel like it is his fault. As far as I am concerned I am married to the most amazing, hard working man in the world! I am so so proud of him. We are praying that we would be able to see a season very different than the one that we have experienced here. We would appriciate your prayers.
Life has definately not been how I planned it. I have been spending time doing a bible study in the book of Job as well as discipling a student I worked with last year and discussing Job with her as well. I must admit that this last year I feel like my greatest fears have come to pass as far as what I thought might happen when we left staff with Campus Crusade. It has been scarry and stressful. I have been stuggling with how to encourage my husband and how to walk with God during this hard time. Though we are still in the thick of it I am thankful for it. Sure, there are many times that we have gone through this process and I wish life were much easier than it currently is. I would love a vacation right now. Far far away from all our troubles. But I know that God is using this to shape me into a woman who is more in love with Him and much more capable to teach her kiddos of God’s character.
It’s been almost a year since we’ve been off staff. I can’t believe it. This season seems like it has gone on forever. Yet we are still taken care of. We’ve still been able to pay all our bills. My husband has a job even though it is taking much longer than we expected to get going. We have a beautiful baby boy that is one of the happiest guys on earth I think. He’s always smiling and always happy. Even when he crys he smiles through his tears. I absolutely LOVE being a mommy. We have so much to be thankful for!
So life is not how I planned it. If I had planned it we would be safe and secure. We would have plenty of money in the bank and new cars in the garage. We would be living in Tennessee, and I would have money to decorate my house, we would take yearly family vacations and even family mission trips. If life was how I’d planned it I’d be supporting 10 compassion children in different contries. We wouldn’t have to take trips to see our families because we’d live near them. My parents would have a great marriage and not be getting a divorce. We would drop off our little guy to see his Nana and Papa and he would enjoy spending time with them together. If life was how I planned it though. I wouldn’t be the woman that I am today. I probibly wouldn’t be where I am or be challenged how I’ve been or love like I do. I’m thankful that because life hasn’t been how I planned it that I am the woman that I am and I hope that I can continue to be a blessing to others as well.
Posted in life
Tagged God, life, plans