I was laying in bed tonight not being about to sleep. It is 4:06am. My baby woke me up at 2:15am from the most beautiful deep sleep I have had in a long time. My little guy usually sleeps so well at night but occasionally every two weeks or so he has a rough night. I guess everyone has at least one now and again.
I started thinking about this blog and how I hadn’t written since well, the end of January. The reason I haven’t written is because I have been brainstorming alternate ways to bring much needed added income into our family. We have been taking a 13 week Dave Ramsey class at our church and though we’ve been deeply desiring to pay off debt (and praying about it for quite awhile) I feel like we may have some tangible steps to get there.
I realize though with baby #2 on the way in only three short months my duties lie first as both a mother and a wife. Sometimes I can sense myself losing focus. I have a one track mind like most men I think. I have trouble multi-tasking. I always have. I hope that part of me grows as a mother because I know that you need it. I know that my duties lie first in the spiritual training, and having a peaceful home for our family. I really don’t want to lose sight of that. I continually come back to the wife in Mother of Proverbs 31 where she was devoted to her family yet dedicated to a business as well. I also know that this Proverbs 31 woman seems nearly out of reach and in some ways perfect but yet something to strive for as we grow and walk with our Lord.
After over a year and a half of bouncing around jobs I am finally feeling like the Lord is beginning to open some doors for us. Maybe it’s this new heart and step towards financial obedience, among other things. Maybe the Lord has taught us some of what we need to know, or maybe it’s just time that we are to come out of the valley that we have been in for so long. Though it has been extremely difficult I am so thankful what we have learned during this time both about our selves and how we have developed new convictions that will hopefully come with us for the rest of our lives. Convictions on debt for example, or even having credit cards. I finally feel a little freedom after chopping up our last credit card today. I guess it really was like and old friend or a security blanket that I had stuck in my wallet. Even though there are minimal times we carried much of a high balance on it or even failed to pay off the whole thing. When I called to cancel the card the company reminded me that I had the card for the past 7 years. I realized it was a safety net for me. Something that if we got in a bind that I really didn’t have to give over to the Lord or trust him with. I realized how much of a sin that was in my life. Even though I don’t and never have had any desire to be in debt. I once again fear that something could go terrible wrong and if I don’t have that credit card to borrow on and we really need the money? I think it’s funny now as I look back how many of my biggest fears have come true. As we were leaving staff with Campus Crusade for Christ I worried that we wouldn’t be able to find a job right away, that we would lose our house in Lincoln, that we would wander for the rest of our lives to find meaning, even that we might never find a church that we feel like we connect with. I stand here today thinking back and realizing that no we never have found a house right away, we did not lose our house, in fact it is still there waiting for us to come back to Nebraska and I pray for it every day to sell, and though Jonathan is returning to school have a renewed hope of what God has next for us. And we have found a church, for the first time in our marriage that we feel like we connect with. We really enjoy the energy, the people, and most of all their passion for the Lord and their deep desire to be the arms and feet of God to the entire world. What a relief that has been and a rich environment for our walk with Jesus. It just is so peaceful to have a renewed sense of who God is and what he wants to do in our lives as a family.