Open Doors

So just tonight I was reading a book called The Mommy Diaries that is a collection of stories about being a mommy.  One of the stories struck me because the author was talking about finding her niche as a writer.  Her husband had come home one day excited from one of his business seminars and wanted her to find her inner talents.  She communicated that she had been a writer now for two decades since that happen and God had opened up door after door in order for her to use her talents as a writer.  She conveyed that she was created for that.  God had opened doors so that she might be able to do just that.  I let this tumble around in my mind for awhile because quite honestly I feel like I really don’t know what my inner talents are.  I spent 5 years on campus as a campus missionary mentoring and answering spiritual and life questions by college students.  Of course there were times when I enjoyed it and God thoroughly used me in college in order to ministry to people but I don’t know if I ever quite felt energized by it.

I really want to make a point to start asking the Lord to reveal to me what talents he did place in me and what I should do with them.  I know alot of times moms who are giving their lives up for their kiddos, which is a blessing but we also often lose ourselves in the shuffle.  Since I never really felt like I found myself before the shuffle I figured what a better time to find myself than now.  What are my gifts, talents, and passions?  I know I’ve always really wanted to get into photography.  I’ve wanted to take a few classes and buy a digital SLR camera.  The only problem with that is I’ve been waiting for us to be in a place where the income has been coming in.  I do enjoy writing which is one reason I really wanted to make it a point to stay up on this blog.  I do want to be more consistent at journaling but I haven’t been so consistent at that.  I love scrapbooking and being creative there.  And though I am a part time Mary Kay consultant and I do enjoy it I don’t know if I want to own a business for my life’s work and be one of the Cadillac drivers.   That takes a lot of work and a heavy investment of time and energy into doing that job and being successful at it.

I do however want to be my own person.  I don’t want to be just Jonathan’s wife or Caden’s mom or fill in the blank’s mom of future children that we have, Lord willing.  Although I do want to be those things.  I also want to be me.  I want to find myself.  Realize the gifts that the Lord has given me and be able to bless other people by those gifts, be energized by them and have fun doing them.  And once my children leave the house I don’t want to panic because I already know what I can do with my spare time since my kiddos are gone.

I am thankful that even though life is difficult at times and like I alluded to in my previous entry.  I am thankful that life is about growing and changing.  Life is about most significantly finding your relationship with God and finding out about who he made you and how you can use it to bless other people.  My prayer is that God swings the doors open wide for us.  That Jonathan will be excited and be passionate about his place in the business world and in his family.  And that I might do the same thing.  That my identity will most certainly first rest in the Lord but that I will find the gift that God has placed within me to be energized and excited about who he has made me.

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